Not quite so positive

The oncologist is fairly certain that my cancer is chronic. The goal of this chemo go-around is remission. "Cure" is pretty much off of the table. I go back and forth between anger and depression.
I start chemo again this week. This time I will have a port put in. Only one of the poisons is the same and she has added 2 new ones. I will get all three one week, one the next and one week off then repeat. This will go on for 6 sessions if I can tolerate it. THEN I continue with one of the drugs every three weeks for about another year or so.
I'm still trying so hard to figure out what I did to deserve so many bad things in my life!

and it starts all over

I had the laparoscopy yesterday. She found evidence of cancer. The gyn-oncologist seems to feel I will respond well to chemo because I did he first time. So here I go again. I AM NOT HAPPY!!

here i go again

So the scan was inconclusive. Still shows the shit in my lungs (duh). The oncologist doesn't think a third biopsy is necessary. So I am scheduled for a laparoscopy next Monday. The gyn-oncologist will take a look around and swish some fluid around and take it back out. If there are cancer cells in the fluid or if she sees any tiny evidence of disease, I will have more chemo. If everything is fine (fingers crossed) then we no longer make plans based on the CA125. We will also look at history and symptoms. The oncologist says she has another patient who keeps doing this too.
So here I go again...

THIS SUCKS!!!!

I am so tired of the ups and downs. Although right now, I could really use an up (or down, depending on whether you're talking mood or numbers) My CA125 is back up to 90. This is pretty high. Normal is below 35. So, another CT scan on Monday and then...?????? I don't want to go through this again! But I will if it's warranted because the other option is not acceptable. I'm having trouble concentrating on anything. And I'm crying a lot again. Oh well, perhaps health and happiness aren't in the cards for me.

All OK

I had the colposcopy. Everything looked ok to the doctor. I do need to have a repeat PAP in June. So, at this moment I am feeling like everything is alright.
I bought  a trampoline. It's just a small one for exercise. It's in my living room and I already don't use it as often as I should. At least it's not a clothes rack yet.
Life is just sort of chugging along. Nothing exciting happening so I'll try a different font AND italics just for kicks.

one thing after another

So the scare at the end of 2014 turned out OK. I had monthly visits until this month. Now I'm back to every three months with the oncologist. BUT my CA125 went up a little again (34). It's the highest "normal" number. I am not to worry. Then, today I got a call from the gynecology/oncology nurse practitioner. My PAP shows abnormal cells. I am not to worry. It can be due to several non-threatening things. Of course, just to be sure, I need a colposcopy and possible biopsy (depending on what she sees).
Once you've had a cancer diagnosis, all the "don't worry" reassurances you get end up sounding like "you might have more cancer".
More waiting...

It's 2015

I am not making any new year resolutions this year. Why set myself up for failure? I hope I improve my eating and exercise habits, but I'm not putting any pressure on myself.
I need to De-Christmasfy my house. I don't like doing it, but it must be done.
Nothing is new. I'm so happy to be back at Job Corps. It's just as stressful as before and the students can be trying, but I am where I belong.
I lost the beautiful hood that my daughter made me. I am heart broken. She is going to make me another one. I think the only real thing I hate about cold weather is all of the extra clothing items. Seldom does one lose a jacket or coat. But throw in gloves, hats, scarves, ear muffs, hoods, etc and it's so easy to lose something.