This Thursday is my second last chemo treatment. I'm not looking forward to it but I am. I'm not because it's no fun and I have to face the horrible side effects again. I am because...well it's almost over. I will finish in August.
Things are going along just about the same. The side effects lasted a bit longer this last time. It may be because chemo is cumulative or it may be because I didn't drink nearly the required amount of fluids. I'll try to do better this time.
Tonight I made a sirloin burger with Bearnaise. This is something that I would normally love. Not so much this time. It wasn't terrible, and I'll probably make it again soon (there's left over sauce) but it didn't taste "normal". A few things do taste right: tuna, pineapple juice, lemonade and braunschweiger. That's enough, right?
OOPS. I just re-read previous posts. First there are many typos and some of them look like grammatical errors. How embarrassing. Then, when I was talking about the wonderful support I have, I forgot to mention that my cousin Steve baked and brought me snickerdoodles. How can any one forget snickerdoodles?
I'm trying to keep a positive attitude. It IS almost over! Soon I will have nothing interesting to post. Soon I'll be totally boring again. Soon I can concentrate on rebuilding my strength, keeping the weight off (and maybe losing more), enjoying my family and friends and making my job more interesting. Soon...
Tuesday, July 30, 2013
Monday, July 15, 2013
I guess there's no "usual"
The pain is usually gone - or just about gone - by now. Not this time. I don't know why. Maybe I'm not drinking enough. But nothing tastes good and I don't feel like drinking anything. Also, chemo is probably cumulative to a degree. I need to work tomorrow - I have things scheduled.
I'm sure I'll figure it out but I really hate this!!
I'm sure I'll figure it out but I really hate this!!
Saturday, July 13, 2013
post chemo weekend
I know it's coming but I hope it won't.
Treatment was Thursday and today the side effects begin. The pain started just a little earlier this time. I was actually feeling the beginnings at about noon. But it didn't progress as usual so I was truly hopeful that this time would be different. NOPE. The pain started in my jaw, sternum, across my upper shoulders, neck and the base of my skull. It has begun to spread down my arms. The ache is already in my hips, knees and pelvis. It will increase to pain soon. Tomorrow will be my worst day. I will take hot showers to relieve the pain - of course hot showers are terrible for people with dry skin.
So, I'm in the house for the next couple of days.
And to top everything off...my TV is acting up. Well, it's not really the TV, it's the service. I've also been battling with the internet. Same service. Of course this has to happen when I'm planning to watch mindless TV and play on the internet for the next couple of days.
So this is me at my worst. No positive attitude, no being "OK" with everything or anything. Just misery. After it passes, I'll be able to say things like "there's an end in sight" and "it's worth it to make sure that I'm cancer free". But now and tomorrow I just can't be positive about anything. This is why I choose to spend these days alone.
Treatment was Thursday and today the side effects begin. The pain started just a little earlier this time. I was actually feeling the beginnings at about noon. But it didn't progress as usual so I was truly hopeful that this time would be different. NOPE. The pain started in my jaw, sternum, across my upper shoulders, neck and the base of my skull. It has begun to spread down my arms. The ache is already in my hips, knees and pelvis. It will increase to pain soon. Tomorrow will be my worst day. I will take hot showers to relieve the pain - of course hot showers are terrible for people with dry skin.
So, I'm in the house for the next couple of days.
And to top everything off...my TV is acting up. Well, it's not really the TV, it's the service. I've also been battling with the internet. Same service. Of course this has to happen when I'm planning to watch mindless TV and play on the internet for the next couple of days.
So this is me at my worst. No positive attitude, no being "OK" with everything or anything. Just misery. After it passes, I'll be able to say things like "there's an end in sight" and "it's worth it to make sure that I'm cancer free". But now and tomorrow I just can't be positive about anything. This is why I choose to spend these days alone.
support
Previously, I posted an update called "support". I wrote quite a lot about it but the post was blank. So I will try to re-create it. I'm sure it won't be the same words but the sentiment will be identical.
I am very fortunate in the support I am getting from everyone while I go through this.
First are my girls. No parent could ask for better. They have been with me at all of the important appointments, come at the drop of the hat when I fall apart and call, feed me, get me out of the house and keep my spirits up even though I know they're probably having difficulty keeping their own high.
Now to the rest of my family and friends. From recuperating from procedures at my John and Carol's to being fed and otherwise cared for by Susan and John to transportation to chemo provided by Joyce (my wonderful mother-in-law) I am very well cared for.
And friends. I am so lucky. Mary Ellen calls regularly and has visited. I'm planning a trip to Springfield to see her. Angie has visited, we've met or dinner and a movie. We have been friends for 51 years!! And then all of the other friends who ask about me, cook for me (thank you Mickey) and just let me know in so many ways that they care. I have a great extended family as well. I get calls, emails, cards... Ann took me to dinner and didn't say a word about how little I ate since I had no appetite and nothing tasted good. Even all of my facebook friends send encouraging words and some send cards to brighten up my days.
I was only on my new job for 6 days when this hit. Yet my co-workers treat me as if we have known each other for years and are very supportive and encouraging.
I don't know how people without family and friends get through this. I do have my days (tonight, tomorrow and Monday will be some) when I just want to be alone. The pain is bad and I want to be able to cry, scream, throw a tantrum or sleep at will. And if anyone is here they will be frustrated because they will want to "help" and there is nothing to do. So, my supportive family and friends understand this and leave me to myself. But I always know that any and all would come in a second if I call.
See what I mean? I'm one very lucky girl to have so much love and support during this nightmare.
I am very fortunate in the support I am getting from everyone while I go through this.
First are my girls. No parent could ask for better. They have been with me at all of the important appointments, come at the drop of the hat when I fall apart and call, feed me, get me out of the house and keep my spirits up even though I know they're probably having difficulty keeping their own high.
Now to the rest of my family and friends. From recuperating from procedures at my John and Carol's to being fed and otherwise cared for by Susan and John to transportation to chemo provided by Joyce (my wonderful mother-in-law) I am very well cared for.
And friends. I am so lucky. Mary Ellen calls regularly and has visited. I'm planning a trip to Springfield to see her. Angie has visited, we've met or dinner and a movie. We have been friends for 51 years!! And then all of the other friends who ask about me, cook for me (thank you Mickey) and just let me know in so many ways that they care. I have a great extended family as well. I get calls, emails, cards... Ann took me to dinner and didn't say a word about how little I ate since I had no appetite and nothing tasted good. Even all of my facebook friends send encouraging words and some send cards to brighten up my days.
I was only on my new job for 6 days when this hit. Yet my co-workers treat me as if we have known each other for years and are very supportive and encouraging.
I don't know how people without family and friends get through this. I do have my days (tonight, tomorrow and Monday will be some) when I just want to be alone. The pain is bad and I want to be able to cry, scream, throw a tantrum or sleep at will. And if anyone is here they will be frustrated because they will want to "help" and there is nothing to do. So, my supportive family and friends understand this and leave me to myself. But I always know that any and all would come in a second if I call.
See what I mean? I'm one very lucky girl to have so much love and support during this nightmare.
Thursday, July 11, 2013
chemo day
I thought I'd tell you about chemo day - today is my 4th treatment out of 6.
I sign in and make my co-pay. Then the medical assistant calls me back. She gets my weight and vital signs. My weight is holding steady (I was hoping for a little more loss), my blood pressure is lower than usual but within normal range. It's not time to stop the blood pressure medication yet.
Next I see the doctor. We discuss side effects. She said we'll continue to watch the neuropathy closely still but so far, it's not a reason to reduce the dose of the medications. My new symptom of occasional postural hypotension my be related to the taxol and may just because my blood pressure is a little lower than usual. Again, we just watch it closely.
Here's an interesting tidbit. When we were planning all of this, we were told (and my girls heard it too, they will back me up on this) that I could not drive myself to chemo because one of the drugs contains alcohol. So, my wonderful mother-in-law brings me and picks me up every time. Today I forgot my book and when I mentioned it to the Dr. she asked if I wanted to go home and get it. I told her that I wasn't allowed to drive and this was news to her. Apparently it has to do with the taxol and benadryl together. Anyway, I still may have my mother-in-law bring me because I think she enjoys being helpful.
And...we're off. I go into the treatment room and choose a recliner near an outlet. There is a great one in the corner but I leave that for the woman who has the same treatment schedule I have. So, I take my usual one along the wall and wait for the nurse. The nurse starts the IV. She draws blood first for my regular labs and hangs fluids to keep the IV open while waiting for blood test results to confirm that I'm ok to have my chemo. The labs come back ok and we begin the process. First I get "pre meds" These are given to help prevent an allergic reaction, and nausea. One is IV push and the other 4 drip in over time. Bag #1 is empty so the nurse will need to come in and start bag #2.
There are two other women here for treatment so we struck up a conversation for a while. One is here for her treatment but is more concerned about her daughter who just had a double mastectomy and is awaiting results of the lymph node biopsy. How horrible it must be to be going through this herself and worrying about her daughter at the same time. Now I'm listening to my music, hanging out here on the computer and waiting.
The nurse started the other pre-meds.
I was busy elsewhere and missed telling you that the first poison (chemo drug) is going in. It takes about 3 hours. I think I am about one hour into it. So far, I've fired up my music, played on the internet, played a round of Ruzzle on my phone, checked out some CEU's for my KY nursing license, eaten my salami sandwich with an small bag of cheeze-its. Let me take this opportunity to say that cheeze-its are much better than cheeze nips! Now I think I'll watch a movie on the computer. As you can see, it's a pretty boring day here in chemoland.
I should have been putting times. I checked in at 8:25am for my 8:30appt and everything was on time. It's now 1:50pm and the nurse just hung the second poison. It'll take about 45 minutes to go in.
Here's what you missed. I checked out nurse CEUs for my license and started reading a course.I put a DVD in the computer and started watching a movie while I ate my salami sandwich (is it still a sandwich when you roll the meat in a flower tortilla?), and a dish of canned pears. I think I dozed off for a while because I had to re-wind the movie a little because I missed some. Are you jealous? Are you anxiously waiting to find out what comes next?
2:55 and the treatment is finished. My IV is out, my mother-in-law is on her way. I didn't finish the movie so I'll finish it at home.
So there you have it. My exciting chemotherapy day.
I was busy elsewhere and missed telling you that the first poison (chemo drug) is going in. It takes about 3 hours. I think I am about one hour into it. So far, I've fired up my music, played on the internet, played a round of Ruzzle on my phone, checked out some CEU's for my KY nursing license, eaten my salami sandwich with an small bag of cheeze-its. Let me take this opportunity to say that cheeze-its are much better than cheeze nips! Now I think I'll watch a movie on the computer. As you can see, it's a pretty boring day here in chemoland.
I should have been putting times. I checked in at 8:25am for my 8:30appt and everything was on time. It's now 1:50pm and the nurse just hung the second poison. It'll take about 45 minutes to go in.
Here's what you missed. I checked out nurse CEUs for my license and started reading a course.I put a DVD in the computer and started watching a movie while I ate my salami sandwich (is it still a sandwich when you roll the meat in a flower tortilla?), and a dish of canned pears. I think I dozed off for a while because I had to re-wind the movie a little because I missed some. Are you jealous? Are you anxiously waiting to find out what comes next?
2:55 and the treatment is finished. My IV is out, my mother-in-law is on her way. I didn't finish the movie so I'll finish it at home.
So there you have it. My exciting chemotherapy day.
Tuesday, July 2, 2013
dance
Anyone who knows me knows that I love to dance. So why am I home tonight? I'm being cautious.
For several years now, we've danced on Tuesday evenings. We started at Bar 71 but they closed. Then the DJ moved to some dive place that I can't remember, then to Mason Pub and Grill which was horrible. The dance floor was so tiny and the dancers so rude that we stopped going. Now the DJ is at The Venue on Tuesdays. Last week, Patrick and Kay checked it out. Patrick reported that it is the biggest, best dance floor yet. I asked if it's crowded and he answered in the affirmative.
The DJ and his wife offer dance lessons before the floor opens for all dancers. We usually don't participate in the lessons but this month is the night club two step which Patrick doesn't teach and I want to learn. So that's where Patrick and Kay are tonight. I considered going, but with my feet still having neuropathy problems and the fact that I'm supposed to avoid crowds, I didn't go. My WBC count is good which means I can probably fight off an illness, but if I'm sick, chemo will be cancelled and I want to finish on time!
So, here I sit, knowing that my friends are dancing. I will be back!!
For several years now, we've danced on Tuesday evenings. We started at Bar 71 but they closed. Then the DJ moved to some dive place that I can't remember, then to Mason Pub and Grill which was horrible. The dance floor was so tiny and the dancers so rude that we stopped going. Now the DJ is at The Venue on Tuesdays. Last week, Patrick and Kay checked it out. Patrick reported that it is the biggest, best dance floor yet. I asked if it's crowded and he answered in the affirmative.
The DJ and his wife offer dance lessons before the floor opens for all dancers. We usually don't participate in the lessons but this month is the night club two step which Patrick doesn't teach and I want to learn. So that's where Patrick and Kay are tonight. I considered going, but with my feet still having neuropathy problems and the fact that I'm supposed to avoid crowds, I didn't go. My WBC count is good which means I can probably fight off an illness, but if I'm sick, chemo will be cancelled and I want to finish on time!
So, here I sit, knowing that my friends are dancing. I will be back!!
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