Happy November!

Getting a little better every day. My hair continues to grow. It's not at all even. I get a laugh when I look at it because I have a teeny tiny Mohawk. My hair is longer on top in the middle of my head than the top sides.
My eczema is out of control. Prednisone didn't clear it up this time. I saw the dermatologist and she suggested some product changes. I go from $2 body wash to $4 bar of soap. When I get to using more shampoo, it'll be expensive too. For now, the samples she gave me will be plenty. So, why am I having this trouble? Dr. Anderson thinks one possibility is that my immune system came back with a vengeance after chemo. Another possibility is that I'm having trouble because my job is to work with the very things to which I am allergic. Bummer. How many people can honestly say they are allergic to their job?
I'm having shoulder pain. I'll go back to the orthopedic doctor soon.
Wow...this all sounds horrible. I'm actually feeling generally well.
Now I just need to come up with better ways to spend my non-work time.
My journey is coming to an end. I'm so grateful. You know how people sit around the table on Thanksgiving and tell what they're thankful for? Well, I'm thankful that I got through this. I'm thankful for all of the wonderful people I have in my life. People who saw to it that I got through this.

Italics

I thought it would be fun to type in italics. I was right.
My eyelashes are long enough that I'm using mascara again. Oddly, the left ones are longer than the right. I'm sure everything will even out.
My hair always grew quickly and it looks like that has not changed. It's not nearly ready to be styled or even exposed but I think I'll be able to take off the wig sooner than I originally expected.
I've stopped losing weight and even put back on a pound. This does not make me happy. I'm on prednisone for my eczema so I'm always hungry. I'm hoping I can keep the gain to this one pound and concentrating on losing the last 8-10 when I'm off of steroids.
My sense of taste is returning gradually. I still don't love chocolate though.
Oh, and remember the dreaded neuropathy? Not so bad now. I occasionally have the "itchy" symptom and a couple of localized numbish spots but it's mostly gone.
I think it may be time to stop thinking of myself as being sick.  YAY
I've been out dancing and tonight will be the first time out being Patrick's only dance partner. This means I'll dance a lot more. I believe I am ready!!!!
On my list of things to do:
lose a little more weight
increase exercise to increase energy
work towards returning to the racquetball court by the first of the year
learn to make twisters (perhaps not compatible with #1)

Wedding and eyelashes and hair...oh my

It's been quite some time since I've written. Since then, I have been helping with dance class, usually twice a week and working (of course) My energy has been slowly increasing. MY DAUGHTER GOT MARRIED! I prepared and hosted the rehearsal dinner (dinner for 29) The ceremony was beautiful. I danced and danced and danced at the reception. That convinced me that I was ready to go out. Last Friday I went dancing at Jim & Jacks. It was fun.
I HAVE EYELASHES!! My eyelashes are not quit long enough to consider curling yet but they are certainly getting there. My head has a bit of hair - sort of like a fuzzy baby duckling. It's gray. :(  I hear all of these great stories about people whose hair grew back in a beautiful color, curly, all sorts of great differences from their norm. It looks as if mine will be straight and gray - just like before cancer. Oh well, you can't have everything and I feel a little better every day. And that's a good thing.

CANCER FREE!!

Friday I had an appointment with my oncologist to review the CT scan from the week before. The scan showed no evidence of cancer. There's still granuloma in my lungs but that's not cancer.
Now I get to concentrate on getting my energy back.
I hope my hair grows back quickly and full of body (which I never had before)
I have had so much support through all of this, I need to send out a big "Thank You" to everyone!!!!

unwelcome surprise

Today, 3 weeks and a day after my last chemo, I have mild bone pain. It's not as bad as my post chemo weekends (yet) but it's here and it's annoying. I couldn't find any medical articles addressing this issue but I found more than one site where other people say that they experienced the same thing. Some of them said it went on for several months after finishing chemo when Taxol was one of the poisons. I hope that's not how my story goes. If it doesn't get any worse than it is today, it won't be too horrible but I really just wanted to start recovering!!!!
It's just one thing after another...

scan

I was scanned today. I did OK with drinking the "smoothie". I got to work on time too!
Now more waiting. We see the doctor to review results and discuss my future a week from tomorrow. Hopefully next weekend I'll have great things to post.
Anxiety, anxiety, anxiety. I'm sure Ativan will be utilized in this upcoming week.

anxiety

I'm really nervous. There is not reason to be nervous but I am. I'm nervous about the scan. First, there is the scan itself. I scheduled it at 7am so I could go right to work. After scheduling, I discover that I need to take a steroid 4 hours prior to the scan and drink a disgusting contrast "smoothie" beginning 90 minutes prior to the scan.
But mostly I'm anxious about the results. I know that the surgeon got all of the cancer out and that all surrounding tissue and fluid was negative for cancer. I know that the lung biopsy was also negative. I know that my CA125 is fine. I know all of these things, but there is a little, teenie, tiny part of my brain that keeps imagining the worst. I can't stop it.
Other than that, I'm doing ok. My appetite is mostly back. My sense of taste is still off. My energy level is low but improving.
So I'm clicking my heals together and chanting "It's almost over...it's almost over...it's almost over."

better than expected

I'm not nearly as fatigued as I expected to be today. I was so tired Saturday and I thought it would get worse. Of course, it's possible that the chemo hasn't lowered my hemoglobin yet.
The pain is mostly in my left leg and both feet this time. Odd...that's really a change.
Here I am, another Monday off to recuperate. LAST ONE!
My daughter is getting married. Did I tell you that? I've been searching for what I want to wear and can't find what I'm looking for. So far, I'm only looking online. I hope I have better luck in the stores when I feel up to shopping. If not, I guess I'll need to have a plan b...or c. My own hair won't be back in yet so I know I'll have good hair for the wedding! :-)
I'll let you know if things change, but I may be on the final road to recovery!

but not quite the end

I am so exhausted. No energy. My hemoglobin is low. I'l probably have a blood transfusion  sometime this week and then I should feel better.
My kids sent me the most beautiful flowers! They have been with me every step of the way during this. Who could ask for more?
Time to face the last horrible weekend and then start recovering.

The End(ish)

Chemo is over. I still need to suffer this weekend and then have my slow week, but this time when the energy level begins to climb, it keeps on climbing.
Phase 2 is over (phase 1 was hospital/surgery)
Phase 3 begins with another scan in September then check ups every 3 months.
I had a nightmare that the scan brought with it some terrible news - but I know it's just a nightmare. Lab numbers are great. CA125 is now down to 16. Well within normal limits (it was 260 at its highest)
I had a fabulous celebratory dinner with my mother-in-law and the kids at Joe's Crab Shack. The crab  legs didn't exactly taste like crab but they tasted good. What a great evening.
Sleeping will be difficult because of the steroids I took and was given by IV, but it's time to try. Tomorrow is a work day.
Thanks for tuning in.

last one

Tomorrow is my last chemo treatment. If you had asked me back in May if I thought I'd make it to the end, I would have said "maybe". The first weekend of pain just really did me in. But here I am today with five treatments behind me and only one to go.
I'll catch you on the other side...

one week later...

Nothing like a bit of peripheral neuropathy to start your Thursday! I've had some minor numbness since the weekend so I was hoping that was it (not that that is a good thing). But noooooooo. The pins and needles had to make an appearance too. I keep telling myself "just one more, just one more" but I still hate feeling like this.
I'm haven't gotten back to full energy the last couple of times. My hemoglobin is low. The doctor said she won't cancel chemo for low hgb but will give me blood if it gets low enough. I almost hope I get some next time. I hate feeling so fatigued. My body is tired, tired, tired but my mind isn't so I still have trouble sleeping.
Oh well..."just one more, just one more"
Off to work.

getting there

This Thursday is my second last chemo treatment. I'm not looking forward to it but I am. I'm not because it's no fun and I have to face the horrible side effects again. I am because...well it's almost over. I will finish in August.
Things are going along just about the same. The side effects lasted a bit longer this last time. It may be because chemo is cumulative or it may be because I didn't drink nearly the required amount of fluids. I'll try to do better this time.
Tonight I made a sirloin burger with Bearnaise. This is something that I would normally love. Not so much this time. It wasn't terrible, and I'll probably make it again soon (there's left over sauce) but it didn't taste "normal". A few things do taste right: tuna, pineapple juice, lemonade and braunschweiger. That's enough, right?

OOPS. I just re-read previous posts. First there are many typos and some of them look like grammatical errors. How embarrassing. Then, when I was talking about the wonderful support I have, I forgot to mention that my cousin Steve baked and brought me snickerdoodles. How can any one forget snickerdoodles?

I'm trying to keep a positive attitude. It IS almost over! Soon I will have nothing interesting to post. Soon I'll be totally boring again. Soon I can concentrate on rebuilding my strength, keeping the weight off (and maybe losing more), enjoying my family and friends and making my job more interesting. Soon...

I guess there's no "usual"

The pain is usually gone - or just about gone - by now. Not this time. I don't know why. Maybe I'm not drinking enough. But nothing tastes good and I don't feel like drinking anything. Also, chemo is probably cumulative to a degree. I need to work tomorrow - I have things scheduled.
I'm sure I'll figure it out but I really hate this!!

post chemo weekend

I know it's coming but I hope it won't. 
Treatment was Thursday and today the side effects begin. The pain started just a little earlier this time. I was actually feeling the beginnings at about noon. But it didn't progress as usual so I was truly hopeful that this time would be different. NOPE. The pain started in my jaw, sternum, across my upper shoulders, neck and the base of my skull. It has begun to spread down my arms. The ache is already in my hips, knees and pelvis. It will increase to pain soon. Tomorrow will be my worst day. I will take hot showers to relieve the pain - of course hot showers are terrible for people with dry skin. 
So, I'm in the house for the next couple of days. 
And to top everything off...my TV is acting up. Well, it's not really the TV, it's the service. I've also been battling with the internet. Same service. Of course this has to happen when I'm planning to watch mindless TV and play on the internet for the next couple of days. 
So this is me at my worst. No positive attitude, no being "OK" with everything or anything. Just misery. After it passes, I'll be able to say things like "there's an end in sight" and "it's worth it to make sure that I'm cancer free". But now and tomorrow I just can't be positive about anything. This is why I choose to spend these days alone. 

support

Previously, I posted an update called "support". I wrote quite a lot about it but the post was blank. So I will try to re-create it. I'm sure it won't be the same words but the sentiment will be identical.
I am very fortunate in the support I am getting from everyone while I go through this. 
First are my girls. No parent could ask for better. They have been with me at all of the important appointments, come at the drop of the hat when I fall apart and call, feed me, get me out of the house and keep my spirits up even though I know they're probably having difficulty keeping their own high.
Now to the rest of my family and friends. From recuperating from procedures at my John and Carol's to being fed and otherwise cared for by Susan and John to transportation to chemo provided by Joyce (my wonderful mother-in-law) I am very well cared for.
And friends. I am so lucky. Mary Ellen calls regularly and has visited. I'm planning a trip to Springfield to see her. Angie has visited, we've met or dinner and a movie. We have been friends for 51 years!! And then all of the other friends who ask about me, cook for me (thank you Mickey) and just let me know in so many ways that they care. I have a great extended family as well. I get calls, emails, cards...  Ann took me to dinner and didn't say a word about how little I ate since I had no appetite and nothing tasted good. Even all of my facebook friends send encouraging words and some send cards to brighten up my days.
I was only on my new job for 6 days when this hit. Yet my co-workers treat me as if we have known each other for years and are very supportive and encouraging. 
I don't know how people without family and friends get through this. I do have my days (tonight, tomorrow and Monday will be some) when I just want to be alone. The pain is bad and I want to be able to cry, scream, throw a tantrum or sleep at will. And if anyone is here they will be frustrated because they will want to "help" and there is nothing to do. So, my supportive family and friends understand this and leave me to myself. But I always know that any and all would come in a second if I call. 
See what I mean? I'm one very lucky girl to have so much love and support during this nightmare.

chemo day

I thought I'd tell you about chemo day - today is my 4th treatment out of 6.

I sign in and make my co-pay. Then the medical assistant calls me back. She gets my weight and vital signs. My weight is holding steady (I was hoping for a little more loss), my blood pressure is lower than usual but within normal range. It's not time to stop the blood pressure medication yet. 

Next I see the doctor. We discuss side effects. She said we'll continue to watch the neuropathy closely still but so far, it's not a reason to reduce the dose of the medications. My new symptom of occasional postural hypotension my be related to the taxol and may just because my blood pressure is a little lower than usual. Again, we just watch it closely. 

Here's an interesting tidbit. When we were planning all of this, we were told (and my girls heard it too, they will back me up on this) that I could not drive myself to chemo because one of the drugs contains alcohol. So, my wonderful mother-in-law brings me and picks me up every time. Today I forgot my book and when I mentioned it to the Dr. she asked if I wanted to go home and get it. I told her that I wasn't allowed to drive and this was news to her. Apparently it has to do with the taxol and benadryl together. Anyway, I still may have my mother-in-law bring me because I think she enjoys being helpful.

And...we're off. I go into the treatment room and choose a recliner near an outlet. There is a great one in the corner but I leave that for the woman who has the same treatment schedule I have. So, I take my usual one along the wall and wait for the nurse. The nurse starts the IV. She draws blood first for my regular labs and hangs fluids to keep the IV open while waiting for blood test results to confirm that I'm ok to have my chemo. The labs come back ok and we begin the process. First I get "pre meds" These are given to help prevent an allergic reaction, and nausea. One is IV push and the other 4 drip in over time. Bag #1 is empty so the nurse will need to come in and start bag #2.

There are two other women here for treatment so we struck up a conversation for a while. One is here for her treatment but is more concerned about her daughter who just had a double mastectomy and is awaiting results of the lymph node biopsy. How horrible it must be to be going through this herself and worrying about her daughter at the same time. Now I'm listening to my music, hanging out here on the computer and waiting.

The nurse started the other pre-meds.
I was busy elsewhere and missed telling you that the first poison (chemo drug) is going in. It takes about 3 hours. I think I am about one hour into it. So far, I've fired up my music, played on the internet, played a round of Ruzzle on my phone, checked out some CEU's for my KY nursing license, eaten my salami sandwich with an small bag of cheeze-its. Let me take this opportunity to say that cheeze-its are much better than cheeze nips! Now I think I'll watch a movie on the computer. As you can see, it's a pretty boring day here in chemoland.
I should have been putting times. I checked in at 8:25am for my 8:30appt and everything was on time. It's now 1:50pm and the nurse just hung the second poison. It'll take about 45 minutes to go in.
Here's what you missed. I checked out nurse CEUs for my license and started reading a course.I put a DVD in the computer and started watching a movie while I ate my salami sandwich (is it still a sandwich when you roll the meat in a flower tortilla?), and a dish of canned pears. I think I dozed off for a while because I had to re-wind the movie a little because I missed some. Are you jealous? Are you anxiously waiting to find out what comes next?
2:55 and the treatment is finished. My IV is out, my mother-in-law is on her way. I didn't finish the movie so I'll finish it at home.
So there you have it. My exciting chemotherapy day.

dance

Anyone who knows me knows that I love to dance. So why am I home tonight? I'm being cautious.
For several years now, we've danced on Tuesday evenings. We started at Bar 71 but they closed. Then the DJ moved to some dive place that I can't remember, then to Mason Pub and Grill which was horrible. The dance floor was so tiny and the dancers so rude that we stopped going. Now the DJ is at The Venue on Tuesdays. Last week, Patrick and Kay checked it out. Patrick reported that it is the biggest, best dance floor yet. I asked if it's crowded and he answered in the affirmative.
The DJ and his wife offer dance lessons before the floor opens for all dancers. We usually don't participate in the lessons but this month is the night club two step which Patrick doesn't teach and I want to learn. So that's where Patrick and Kay are tonight. I considered going, but with my feet still having neuropathy problems and the fact that I'm supposed to avoid crowds, I didn't go. My WBC count is good which means I can probably fight off an illness, but if I'm sick, chemo will be cancelled and I want to finish on time!
So, here I sit, knowing that my friends are dancing. I will be back!!

Food

Food doesn't taste right. I seldom get hungry. When something does taste good, I tend to eat all of what is in front of me. Then I get nauseous because I've eaten too much. And here's the really odd thing, chocolate doesn't even sound good most of the time.
I ordered pizza today. It tasted ok but leaves the usual bad after-taste. The experts suggest salt water rinses to keep taste buds healthy (and to prevent mouth sores). After swishing, things taste ok for a bite or two. It's very discouraging.
A lot of you have dieted at some point in your life. The diet experts recommend 8 glasses of water per day to help you to stay hydrated and to help with eating less. Fill your stomach with water and you will eat less. I'm told to drink 8-10 glasses of fluids (some should be water) every day AND they still want me to eat. This seems counterintuitive. It's very difficult to accomplish. I miss liking food! I want to enjoy an almond joy or mounds bar (because sometimes you feel like a nut and sometimes you don't). I ate one a few days ago and it wasn't bad but it wasn't great either. It's just so sad.
Yes, I know I should be grateful that treatment is working and I should be cancer-free. Yes, I know it's only temporary. But seriously, it sucks. (I can't always maintain a positive attitude)

some normalcy

Last night, Jennifer and I went to see Helen in "Sound of Music" at LaComedia. On the exasperating drive there, during dinner, during intermission, and during the drive home, Jennifer and I talked about so many things - but not about my cancer. It felt so normal!! Helen had dinner with us and shared a lot of back stage information.  I know I'm often the one to bring my illness into  a conversation (it's just always on my mind) but it felt so good to ignore it last night. The show was fair. Helen was awesome!!! She has such a beautiful voice and she really nailed her character!
I worked this morning. Did I tell you that I work with wonderful people? I do. My regular Saturday patients are pretty cool too.
So now I'm back home. And I have some more normal things to do. I need to clean my kitchen and pay some bills. Not all normal is fun!

Good Numbers

CA125 is something in the blood that is an indicator for ovarian and other female reproductive cancers. It's similar to PSA for prostate cancer in men, although it isn't used as a screening tool. My CA125 was 260 in the hospital and down around 150ish at my first follow-up appointment. The result from last week's draw is 23. (or was it 28? I have such a horrible memory) Either way, it's no longer printed in red (indicating an abnormality) on the report. It is within normal range. YAY!
The girls went with me today to the patient care plan conference with the nurse practitioner. We didn't learn anything to new about the plan. Apparently, she and Dr. Partridge had considered only doing 4 treatments, but with the gunk in my lungs, decided to stick with six. I can't really say I was disappointed because I didn't know fewer than six was ever an option. The intent of my treatment is adjuvant, curative. Adjuvant refers treatment after the initial treatment. In this case, chemotherapy. The initial treatment was surgery. Curative means aimed at eradicating the disease. There was a time, before the lung biopsy, that we thought there was a chance that the goal would be remission. "Curative" is a much better word.
Everyone is a bit worried about neuropathy. The pins and needles itching of the palms of my hands and soles of my feet are signs of peripheral neuropathy. The Doctor will be watching that very closely. If the neuropathy progresses, I could end up with permanent nerve damage causing numbness in my hands and feet. Worsening symptoms could possibly cut short the number of treatments. So far, the itching subsides between treatments. Every day, I poke at my fingers with a fingernail or sharp instrument to make sure I still have feeling.
After an early dinner at O'Charley's with the girls, I went to dance class. I really enjoy helping with the class. It's frustrating though because dancing comes so easily to me and I have trouble explaining things to the students. They don't often get that the music will tell you when to start and things of that nature. Add to that the fact that I know nothing about leading and I'm not a whole lot of help to the men in the class. It's fun though and I get private dance time before class. I am learning to Tango. There are two styles of Tango: Argentine, which is the one we all think of with bodies touching and lots of sensual moves and American, not as sexy but similar moves. I am learning American.
For those of you who don't know, my dance partner and instructor is a 66 year old man who has had two strokes. He has some balance and vision problems but still dances quite well. We don't dance the bolero and he probably couldn't do Argentine Tango because of all of the lunging. My brother met him in the hospital and I believe he was quite surprised to see him walk with his white/red-tipped walking cane. In one of the classes, both of the women taking the class are breast cancer survivors. And here I am kicking ovarian cancer's ass.
I can't sleep. I've never been a good sleeper so I can't really blame it on Cancer/Chemo. For example, I'm tired right now but when I tried to sleep, I just tossed and turned. And this is after Benadryl and Ativan.
But it is late, and I do have to go to work in the morning.

I'm Back!

April 30th I met my oncologist, Dr.Suzanne Partridge. Again, she is wonderful. Like Dr. Bowling, she is straight-forward and empathetic. We discussed my case. Initially, Dr. Bowling thought I should have a PET scan before starting chemo because of the nodules in my lung but Dr. Partridge thought it could wait. She said that it could "light up" even if it isn't cancer and she didn't think it was. But she did want me to have a chest CT. We scheduled the scan for May 7th and my first treatment for May 9th. I wanted to start sooner but she wanted me to be at least 4 weeks post op - so I waited.
During this time, I was steadily improving from the surgery - and getting BORED!! But patience is a virtue and I so wanted to be virtuous. I did buy a great wig because the doctor said I could expect to lose my hair. A girl scout is always prepared...
May 7th arrived and I went for my CT scan. Here's the thing. Patients can now access their medical records online. The test results for the CT were posted before I met with Dr. Partridge and, since I expected the results to be the same as they were in the hospital, I looked at them. BAD MOVE! Remember when I said I'm a big wuss when it comes to bad news? The results said the nodules were too numerous to count and consistent with metastasis. I became hysterical and called Jennifer and Elizabeth. They both dropped what they were doing and came over. (they are the greatest kids anyone could ever ask for) They told me that I could whip that into remission and I decided to pretend to believe it.
When I saw Dr. Partridge on the 9th, she was very unhappy that I had seen the results before she had a chance to discuss them with me. She was still skeptical that the cancer had metastasized to my lungs, or that it was a new primary site, so she ordered the PET to be done the week after my treatment. Needless to say, I was anxious and Ativan became my new best friend.
CHEMO: Chemo day is boring. The girls went with me for my first treatment. We first met with Dr. Partridge and she reviewed my CT results with me and discussed what was going to happen that day. I chose a recliner in the treatment room and settled in for the day. The nurse started an IV (third try) and the pre-meds were hung. Jennifer needed to go teach a class but Elizabeth stayed until the room started to fill up with patients. There aren't any "visitor" chairs. When Elizabeth was ready to leave, she went to my house to get my computer, bought me a chocolate milkshake at Steak and Shake and then left to do her own thing. I read, watched a movie and played on the internet while the poisons ran into my vein.
With chemo come side effects. There is a wide variety from which to choose. You apparently don't actually get to choose. My biggest side effect is deep, excruciating bone and joint pain. Pain unrelieved by narcotics or Tylenol and ibuprofen isn't permitted because of its blood thinning properties.Other side effects the first time included distorted taste (actually, nothing tasted good at all), pins-and-needle type of itching.
I feel fine the day after chemo so I work that day. The weekend and following Monday are bad.
So I had the PET scan and my lung nodules "lit up" indicating the possibility of more cancer. Dr. Partridge decided I should have a CT guided lung biopsy. I was picturing the radiologist climbing in the scanner with me, but that wasn't how it worked. I had the biopsy May 17th. The next week, I met with Dr. Partridge to get the results. The girls went with me. I was so nervous that I took an Ativan before leaving work for the appointment. The Dr. came in and asked how I was feeling. I said "nervous", she said "don't be". The nodules are granuloma - not cancer. We all cheered and Elizabeth high-fived with Dr. Partridge. We went to dinner to celebrate. So, now we were back where we were when Dr. Bowling said she removed all of the cancer.
Chemo #2 happened May 30th. My wonderful mother-in-law took me to the appointment. I am not permitted to drive because one of the chemo drugs is mixed in alcohol. The medical assistant who checked me in drew my blood. I always have bloodwork done, but since she drew from my arm, that arm was no longer available for an IV. It took 3 tries  (again) to start the IV. Same routine - premeds followed by poison. Good next day, bad weekend and Monday. I helped Jennifer a little that weekend as she was preparing to move.
Monday, June 10th I returned to the dance floor. YAY!! I helped Patrick with his beginning ballroom class. I also helped Thursday the 13th. I can't tell you how good it feels to dance again!
Jennifer moved June 14th and I was there to help after work and on Saturday. This may not sound exciting to most but I enjoy the process of moving. Her home for the next two years is a cute little house in Anderson.
I forgot to tell you...I lost my hair. Well, most of it anyway. It started falling out the second week after the first treatment. My sister clipped it down to about 1/4" (It was traumatic enough. I couldn't have her take it all the way to the scalp) My wig looks awesome though. Most people don't know it's a wig unless I tell them - which I do. One of my co-workers thinks - and I agree - that my wig appears to be growing. Yes, it's that natural looking.. The wig gets uncomfortable after a while so I remove it when I get home and wear my mother's old scarf (which I love) one of the sleep caps I bought or one of the two, really cute hats that Jennifer made for me. (if I can figure out how, I'll post pictures of the hats)
Chemo #3 was last Thursday, June 20th. Same ole same ole. Again, my mother-in-law took me and picked me up. I had a different nurse and she got the IV in on the first try. YAY! I was permitted to take ibuprofen because my platelets are fine so the pain was just a constant, dull, horrible ache. Much better than the excruciating pain.
Today the palms of my hands itch and it is very annoying!!!! Nothing seems to help. Oh well....I am halfway finished with chemo and feeling ok. I'm eating better - especially when my sister brings me yummy food.
Now you're up to date. I wouldn't wish this on anyone but I have great doctors, great family and friends and lots of support. The only thing missing is someone to hold me at night when I get frightened or uncomfortable but I can deal with that.
I try to have a positive attitude, but to tell you the truth I'm MAD AS HELL!! It's totally unfair. I mean, how much more are we supposed to go through?! I have never smoked and only drink the occasional fru fru drink. I was becoming more active with dancing and racquetball. Now, I know that none of those things have anything to do with ovarian cancer, but seriously. WHY ME?!!
Well...I don't think there's actually an answer to that question. Writing this blog is helping and I have a great therapist. I will get through this.

The journey begins

Back in April, several people suggested that I start a blog to chronicle my journey through hell. I resisted because, quite frankly I don't write all that well plus I didn't think anyone would be interested. Turns out that it may be good for my mental health, so here I go.
April 4, 2013 I was experiencing severe LLQ pain and took myself to the ER. Actually, I got partway to the ER and needed to call Elizabeth to come get me and drive me the rest of the way. I stopped at her place of employment but she was already at the ER so had to come back for me. (I had told the girls not to even come. I was expecting something simple like an ovarian cyst).
The ER doctor was a lovely woman. I really felt sorry for her. She sent me for a scan and was expecting something like diverticulitis. Instead, she had to tell me that I had a mass on my ovary. I've been told  that I became a little hysterical and kept saying that my girls could not lose another parent. Apparently I'm a wuss when it comes to bad news.
I don't remember too much of the next couple of days. I know that I was admitted because I was in so much pain. I vaguely remember seeing the surgeon the next day for an exam. I remember telling the doctor she could talk to whomever was there after surgery. Of course, I thought this would include my girls, my siblings and my friend, Mary Ellen. I've been told that it included a number of people - some of whom I haven't met. Oh well...
Back to Thursday night...Jennifer spent the night in my room. I apparently moved to another room Friday. I don't remember the move but remember being somewhere new. I have been told that I was calling everyone in my contact list. I don't remember this and wish the girls had been successful in taking my phone. One call was right though. I called my friend, Mary Ellen. I told her not to come down but she didn't listen. THANK YOU FOR NOT LISTENING. She came on Friday and stayed with Jennifer in my room Friday night. Saturday was surgery day. I don't remember this day. I do remember that Mary Ellen sent Jennifer home and stayed with me again. And I remember that the surgeon said I was lucky. Usually ovarian cancer has metastasized by the time symptoms occur. Since I had pain from a twisted, necrotic ovary, the mass was only on the ovary (ovaries?) and part of the tube. So...the word was that they were able to remove all of  the cancer. Surrounding tissue and fluids were all negative. (YAY)
My recovery from surgery was slow. I was sick, sick, sick. I remained in the hospital until 4/13. I was only discharged then because I lied and said I had eaten a full breakfast. (1/4 of a bagel counts, doesn't it?) I missed Elizabeth and Bethany's moving day. This made me sad because I love moving. Jennifer took "mom duty" and handled my discharge from the hospital.
I spent the next few days at the ResorT. What a wonderful place to recuperate. John and Carol pampered me, fed me and basically took great care of me!!
The Tuesday after my discharge, I had an appointment with the surgeon. Let me pause here for just a minute to say that my surgeon, Marcia Bowling, is incredible!! She has that ability to be straight forward and empathetic at the same time.
So, back to the appointment. I thought Elizabeth was going to ask to remove a couple of staples herself. She's always been very interested in things like that. The staples were removed and glue applied to the incision. I was told that I was doing fine and sent on my merry way.
Funny story...a few hours after getting home, I needed to use the bathroom. I couldn't get my panties down (a little TMI? but it's a funny story) They had stuck to the glue on my incision. Jennifer carefully (and laughing the entire time) cut the fabric. I spent the next 10 days with fabric stuck to my lower abdomen.
Recovery from surgery was slow but steady.
That's enough for now. I'll be back later to start the journey into chemotherapy.