post chemo weekend

I know it's coming but I hope it won't. 
Treatment was Thursday and today the side effects begin. The pain started just a little earlier this time. I was actually feeling the beginnings at about noon. But it didn't progress as usual so I was truly hopeful that this time would be different. NOPE. The pain started in my jaw, sternum, across my upper shoulders, neck and the base of my skull. It has begun to spread down my arms. The ache is already in my hips, knees and pelvis. It will increase to pain soon. Tomorrow will be my worst day. I will take hot showers to relieve the pain - of course hot showers are terrible for people with dry skin. 
So, I'm in the house for the next couple of days. 
And to top everything off...my TV is acting up. Well, it's not really the TV, it's the service. I've also been battling with the internet. Same service. Of course this has to happen when I'm planning to watch mindless TV and play on the internet for the next couple of days. 
So this is me at my worst. No positive attitude, no being "OK" with everything or anything. Just misery. After it passes, I'll be able to say things like "there's an end in sight" and "it's worth it to make sure that I'm cancer free". But now and tomorrow I just can't be positive about anything. This is why I choose to spend these days alone.