Nonna

I am going to be a grandma...nonna. I am so excited. Elizabeth and Bethany are expecting a boy in October. I have already started shopping. 
So, disease-wise. The latest scan (4 days ago) shows that the nodules have all gotten smaller. The scan plus multiple chest x-rays show that there is no new pleural effusion. The only downside right now is that the medication that is doing such a great job keeping the cancer under control is also causing low platelets and hemoglobin. I need to walk very slowly, I get short of breath if I don't. So that leaves out dancing. :(  The plan is to get red blood cell transfusions as needed and let the medication keep working its magic on the disease. 
I am planning a trip in September. My friend, Mary Ellen and I are taking an all-inclusive cruise of New England. 
So much to look forward to: The house is going back on the market so I hope to be moving, the vacation, then the baby. All things considered, life's not too bad. 

much improved

All sorts of events since the last post.
First the bad stuff.
For some unknown reason (although the antibiotic for the sinus infection is a suspect) my blood counts got really off. Hemoglobin dropped substantially as did the white count and, in particular the neutrophils. The doctor was quite concerned which only heightened my anxiety. And this was all happening just a week before my planned vacation (a Christmas gift from my girls) and with my insurance still hanging in the balance. So, I temporarily discontinued the oral chemo drugs, received 2 units of packed cells and 2 neupogen shots (to raise my white count). I felt pretty good after the transfusion. 🙂
Now for the good stuff.
Our vacation in Destin, Florida was exactly what I hoped for. We went to the beach and the pool. We sat on the balcony watching and listening to the ocean. We talked a lot, played games and had a fantastic time.
My blood counts are good now. Only the hemoglobin is still a little low but not enough for concern. The chest xray shows no new pleural effusion. I'm back on the chemo drugs. I am having frequent CBCs and chest xrays to keep a close eye on everything. I feel pretty good and have a more positive outlook for now.
Oh...and my insurance was FINALLY reinstated 2 days ago.

Malignant

So the fluid was malignant. The doctor seemed very concerned and spoke about the fluid coming  back. If it comes back quickly, the current med isn't working. I don't know if she heard something or what, but she sent me for a chest x-ray and I need to have another one next week to see if there's new effusion.
In the meantime, I've had an awful sinus infection. I'm miserable.
To top it all off, I have yet to receive my COBRA information. I really need to get  my health insurance up and running. I have emailed and spoken to the HR manager at Job Corps but haven't heard back yet. I know they have up to 45 days to send me the information but it's been 32 days and I am freaking out. Nothing is easy. I've about had it.
Aren't I a bundle of joy?

scared

I'm getting a little scared. It seems like one thing after another is happening. The Doxil worked briefly then there was some growth while I was still in treatment. I also ended up with pleural effusion which can be caused by ovarian cancer. ("Pleural effusion is a condition in which excess fluid builds around the lung" )Tuesday I had 900ml of fluid drawn from around my right lung. I can take a deep breath now. I still have some pain with deep breaths which should have subsided shortly after the procedure. The doctor said not to worry when I called yesterday.  Although the lab results are available in "mychart" I am not looking at them. The fluid may or may not be malignant. My research indicates that, based on its color, there is a good chance that it is. I prefer to wait for the doctor to tell me during an appointment with my daughters with me.
I am on an oral maintenance drug now. I hope it works. I am  trying to stay positive but it is difficult. I am truly afraid for the first time since the recurrence.

Enough of that...

My girls gave me a vacation for Christmas. Next month, the three of us (their spouses are staying home) are going to Destin, Florida for a few days. I am very excited about going.

My house has been on the market since August but there has been no interest. Oh well. I may or may not list it again in the spring. 


That's enough for now. I'm not exactly a bundle of laughs. I am temporarily giving in to a mild case of self pity but will rally. I just have to get used to my new normal. 

Here I Go Again

The cancer has grown a bit and needs to be attacked. The hope was that I would be part of a study but I was disqualified due to a strange requirement. So Thursday I start a new poison. I will continue until it no longer works or I can no longer tolerate the side effects. This is not a 4-6 treatment plan. I am not happy.

Spring has Sprung

Jennifer and Justin's wedding was beautiful, fun, and all around perfect. The weather was beautiful. Since the officiant knows them well, he was able to personalize the ceremony to one that captured who they are. The reception was so much fun. They had a great band!!!! I danced all night.
Do you remember that part time job I was going to start? I quit before I even finished training. It just wasn't right for me. I am enjoying not working at all right now. I do go down to Job Corps for a few hours here and there to help train the new staff. That's enough for right now.
I have been going through belongings and donating a lot of items. I have also been cleaning carpets. When all is done, and the house is in pretty good order, I want to list it. I would really like to be living on one floor somewhere by the time I need aggressive chemo again. It's been almost two years so I won't be surprised if it pops up in the next year or so. I hope NOT, but I won't be surprised.
I got my hair cut. Then I wanted it even shorter with the next appointment. I like it, but plan to grow it back out to the length of the first cut. I am probably letting it go gray and really want it to be a bit softer.
Yes, I talked about my hair. That is how exciting my life is right now. My one complaint about retirement is that I spend even more time alone. I can go several days without actually seeing anyone else. I must remedy this. And I will...in time.

Time for sentimentality

18 months ago Jennifer and Justin became engaged. I had just been diagnosed with a recurrence of my cancer. When they set the wedding for 18 months down the road, I worried that I may not be able to attend. But Jennifer was optimistic. And she was right. My cancer is still just sitting there quietly and the wedding is this Sunday. I will be partying with the best of them.
Now for the sentimentality part. At times like these Bob's absence is always staring me in the face. He would be so proud of the woman Jennifer has become and I know that he would love Justin. We will celebrate and the wedding will be wonderful, but just as it was when Elizabeth got married, he will be on my mind.
Also on my mind right now is my brother. He was so happy when Jennifer went to his home to tell Carol and him that she was engaged. He told her that he planned to dance at her wedding. She hoped that he would be able to walk her down the aisle. That was not to be. He will be sorely missed on Sunday.
The wedding will be wonderful and missing those who are gone will fade into the background where it belongs. Jennifer's brother will walk her down the aisle and it will be a wonderful walk. (if you're thinking that I only have daughters you are right. Jennifer has a very good friend who has been her "brother" since they met in 7th grade)
I continue to be grateful for every day, month, year that I get. I will always have this horrible disease but plan to live many years with it as my companion.
So, I cry at the drop of the hat right now. Not all of the tears are from sadness. My Jennifer is so happy. Justin is a good, caring man and he loves her so much.  Elizabeth and Bethany are happy and doing well. What more can a mother ask for?
Now...the only thing I am a bit worried about is the fact that I have not danced in a long dress in a long time...